Ever since I can remember I have had this overwhelming sense of feeling disconnected from other people. Due to my social anxiety I find it extremely difficult to interact with other people socially so therefore find it very hard to make friends. This leaves me feeling constantly alone and lonely. Despite being happily married, I long to have a close connection with people outside my family. No one really understands what it’s like for me. It’s not as simple as just joining a local group or going along to a gym class or social event in my local town. I have this overwhelming fear of rejection and wanting to be liked and accepted, to the point where this stops me socialising with other people. I never know what to say to other people and feel embarrassed in social situations. It’s a catch 22. I want to meet people, but my fear always gets in the way. This makes day to day life very isolating.

Most of the time I feel like I’m all alone in the world, which is a very lonely and isolating place to be. Who am I ? Why am I here? Does anyone really understand what I’m feeling? I find it hard to express how I feel. Always being told not to cry or get upset or not be down. Sometimes it’s hard to hold it in. These are all human emotions but if I show how I feel will people think less of me or get fed up with me ?

I long for a deep connection with a close friend who understands me for me. Who won’t judge me for my struggles with anxiety. Who shows a genuine interest in me as a person and accepts who I am. I wish I could make friends so I don’t feel so alone. Loneliness is a dark place to be. Even though I find it hard to verbally reach out to people, I hope my writing gives me hope in being heard and connecting with other people.